Lately I've had this evil urge to get preggers again. Of course the thought flees as soon as I consider weight gain, not being able to nap while pregnant because I'll have two kids running around, and one set of diapers is enough for now. We want more kids, but not right now. This is the longest amount of time I have not been pregnant in our entire marriage! Let me break that down for you:
Married for 5 months, found out we were preggers with Josiah.
Pregnant with that guy for 9 months.
Josiah was 2 weeks shy of turning one when I got pregnant with Mae.
Pregnant with Princess Mae Mae for 9 months.
Mae will be 14 months old next month.
Anywho, I'm enjoying the reclaiming of my own body for the first time in 3 1/2 years. My uterus is it's normal size and shape and I'm shedding pounds. I'm also not "leaking" due to milk production if I'm away from a child for more than 2 hours. (Gross I know.) Even with all the pros of not being pregnant I can't help but feel a little tinge of jealousy for my friends who are pregnant. I find myself looking at baby name blogs, pushing the cart over to Babies R Us from the Toys R Us side of the store, staring longingly at swaddling cloths, and intently examining old baby pictures of Siah and Mae Mae. I am taking this all in stride and chalking it up to my body & heart both knowing that I'm not done having kids. I think you know you're done procreating in the same fashion that you know that you have found your soul mate- you just know.
My Mom is the perfect example of baby-angst. While she was pregnant with my brother Aaron, she was very, very sick. I don't remember too much of it, but I do remember that she had tubes in her back to help her kidneys filter everything better. Aaron was a HUGE baby and if my memory serves me correctly she had gestational diabetes. The doctors warned my Mom not to get pregnant again because it could be life-threatening for her. My Dad went ahead and got the 'ol "snip-a-roo" (as Cameron likes to call it) so that no more Beautiful Berry Babies could be made. My Mom says that she felt like there was supposed to be one more of us, that our family wasn't complete. She mourned for this unknown child. Interestingly enough, some doctor didn't do a good job at a vasectomy and my Mom got pregnant with Lauren. She was at peace instantly. God had known who was supposed to be in our family.
I am thrilled with the possibility of new babies in our future. I sometimes feel like we're missing someone even if we're all in the same room. I can't wait to meet the rest of my family someday.
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="317" caption="Sweetest."][/caption]