Monday, November 23, 2009

My beloved, my friend

Before I married Cameron I read many, many books on the subject of being a good wife. I read about sex (Sheet Music), I read about having a servant's heart. I was not going to be caught off-guard by marriage! We did Pre-Marital counseling together early on Monday mornings. I always felt like some of our most honest chats came about from topics that were covered there. I had my bases covered, believe me.

Somewhere along the line, I dropped the ball. I figured I had studied enough and now I was in the trenches and didn't need a book to guide me along. Sure, I enjoy the yearly sermon series on marriage and I listened to radio programs about it. I knew my husband. I'm good to go. I had my bases covered: we were doing well as parents, going to small group, volunteering at church, etc.

Cameron and I were still getting pretty good at getting at each other's throats and not being as touchy-feely as we once had. I was feeling pretty average in the looks department and it showed. Secret: I didn't own a hairbrush for about a month. I was looking really good.

A couple of weeks ago I came home from staying at my parent's house while Cameron was getting work done on a freelance website. I was greeted, very suspiciously might I add, by a beaming husband who said "Hello beautiful wife, I've missed you!" I started accounting for all the pets because I was assuming he had finally snapped and taken at least one cat to the pound. There were no strings attached to this wonderful greeting. The next morning I woke up to coffee made and a bouquet of roses from our yard with a note that read: "I love you, Love." Who is this man and what has he done with my over-worked husband? That day was a tough and long Mom day. Those roses kept me going the whole day. I found my own beauty in that gift.

Later that day I found out what was going on. Cameron had discovered Pastor Mark Driscoll's sermon series "The Peasant Princess".  It's a verse by verse walk-through on the Song of Solomon. Pastor Driscoll does not pull punches and he emphasizes God's intentions for marriages (and for sex, it's pretty frank and steamy, but only in an appropriate for married couples way). If you are lucky enough to know my husband, you know that this is right up his alley. Cameron is a no-nonsense man and doesn't enjoy beating around the bush when it comes to important topics. Basically, Cameron enjoyed getting punched in the gut while listening to this series. I was impressed. I started listening online and it has changed our marriage. We've applied a new attitude towards each other: servanthood.  Yielding first to Christ and then to each other. It's so easy going into a marriage with good intentions... but we all know where those lead. I am once again enjoying my husband, being glad that he's been put in my life and not taking his leadership for granted.

I've started "gussying" myself up. First step: I bought a hair brush last week. Right on. I got my eye brows waxed. I am no longer the Wolfman.  I do my hair everyday. I'm not in my "Mom" clothes when he gets home. I have every reason to make myself more desirable for this man. He has taken God's words about a man providing for his family and made good on them. He stays up late, he works two full time jobs (Yes, freelance is full time even if it's from home) and he makes sure we're all cared for (1 Timothy 5:8).

I have been hit hard by this sermon series, realizing how out of line I was in not cherishing my husband. I also enjoyed how much Pastor Driscoll encourages men to be men. Boys are all over their girlfriends, men keep their hands to themselves until they are married. I loved this line especially: There are a lot of boys who can shave. Just because you can shave or be sexual doesn't mean you are a man. Men don't look at pornography and men don't go to strip clubs. Boys do. Pastor Driscoll is brazen to say all of these things in a world where even the church doesn't hold their men (or women) accountable for their sex lives. We've let that one slide. At the same time we wonder why marriages fall apart, males stay stupid and immature for so long and women equate beauty with sexuality.

I'm very gung-ho about all of my friends listening to this series. Especially the married ones or the ones about to be married.

In honor of Thanksgiving this week, I will say this: I am so thankful for my husband. He has taken the high road and is becoming the man God wants him to be. He is a generous, loving, fun, hard-working and handsome man. He loves his children and would give them the moon if he could.

I am learning more and more everyday what "I am my beloved's and he is mine" entails.

P.S. I was cleaning out my jewelery box the other day (it doesn't contain much as you would guess), but I found my promise ring that I use to wear. Not my True Love Waits ring, but my Promise ring from Cameron (he has a matching one). It's a sterling silver basic little ring. I decided to start wearing it on my right hand ring finger. It's a simple reminder to always treat my husband the way I treated him in the beginning: like a gift.

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