Born To Resist

Out of everything I have a strong opinion about, I would say the sanctity of life is #1. I strongly believe that there is an abortion industry that has done nothing but deceived generations of women into believing that abortion doesn’t hurt, isn’t wrong and that it’s not a baby. Yesterday I watched with great interest the Tebow Pro-Life ad from Focus on the Family. I thought it was well done and was light & fun. I think the misconception about us “pro-lifers” is that we’re all about gruesome signs of aborted babies and condemning women simply because they are women. While I do know that pictures of baby’s bodies ripped limb from limb after an abortion is effective under certain circumstances, loving someone unconditionally and giving grace and hope is far more effective in all circumstances. I think that the story of one mother’s decision to defy a doctor (or two) who told her that she wasn’t carrying a real baby, but a mass of “fetal tissue” might make us stop and think once again what it means to be a society that aborts unborn children under the mask of helping women.

If I could, I’d like to share a story. My parents have 4 children. I’m the oldest. Followed by Paul Andrew “Andy”, 23, Aaron Randall, 20, and Lauren Michelle, 18. I only write their middle names because that’s the way I think of them. I usually call them by their first and middle name, or a nickname I’ve created for them. Obviously they all love that. My youngest sister, Lauren, was a surprise. A BIG SURPRISE. To say the least. My mom had been very sick with my brother Aaron and the doctors told her not to have anymore kids. So, my dad being the loving husband, put himself on the chopping block (quite literally) and got a vasectomy. My mom felt for quite awhile that someone in the family was missing. She cried about an unknown child that she wasn’t going to meet because she couldn’t have anymore kids. What a surprise when right around my brother’s first birthday, they were pregnant again. I remember that day- I was sitting in the living room coloring. Both my parents came into to tell us. Oh joy! Perhaps I would get that sister I wanted! Obviously at the age of six, I had no idea of what this pregnancy entailed.

When the time came to call the OB-GYN, my mom was asked this question after they saw her medical history “Did you want to go ahead and schedule a termination?” It was nonchalant, it was easy, it was typical. My mom said no, knowing this meant that she was most likely going to be very ill. This wasn’t going to be easy. But it was going to happen. My Dad who was only 32 when my sister was born, claims his chest hair went white overnight during a hospital stay where they told him my Mom might not make it.

On May 21st, 1991, my Mom came home from a Doctor’s appointment and asked “Do you guys want to have a baby tomorrow?” They induced my Mom the very next morning and my sister was born that evening. I remember the phone call my Grandma Berry got saying that my sister had finally arrived! I shrieked for joy! A SISTER! Later that night my brother Andy and I were picked up by a family friend, Sharon and taken to the hospital to meet our sister. (Sorry Aaron, I don’t remember if you were there or not!). My mom was still in the delivery room, which seemed like the world’s biggest room at the time. In my mother’s arms was a pretty big baby bundle (My sister weighed over 9 lbs when she was born). She was swaddled, but her butt-cheeks were hanging out. I like to remind her of that- I saw her butt first. There was my sister. A person. So small. So new. Despite complications and recommendations, my sister was here, a beating heart and everything one could want in a baby sister.

When my sister and Mom finally came home to our little house on Second Street, I remember reading to her. It was some Looney Tunes book and I figured that was my job, to read to my sister. Thank God that my Mom knew better. She knew who was in charge, she knew that God had a plan and a purpose for my sister. If she didn’t have my sister, who would I have read to?

Now I know that this debate goes deeper, but let’s all stop to think for a minute about the fact that my sister is here, and she’s full of life. Let’s think about how many siblings our friends or ourselves are missing because an industry and movement has lied to us about our own bodies and the new lives we create.

Tootsie is here because my mother chose life.

“For this child we prayed and the Lord hath given us our petition which we have asked of Him.”

1 Sam 1:27

Not quite sure how to start this entry other than just diving in and saying that my heart is heavy this week. Something happened and I can’t shake it off. Many of you know about my cousin who had a baby in her home after waiting and waiting for an adoption. Her and her husband were thrilled! He was a wonderful addition to their family. Tuesday they found out the birth mother had returned and wanted her baby back. The social workers came and picked up the newborn and took him back to his birth mother.

That’s the abbreviated version. Out of respect for my cousin and her husband I don’t want to share more than that. When she called to tell me about the baby being given back, my heart broke. How do you face an empty nursery and all the diapers, blankets and bottles that have found their way into your home? I don’t know. I kept praying peace for them and I couldn’t find it in my own heart. This is one of the few times that I can honestly say that I don’t understand God’s purpose. To me it sounds like a cliche that Christians throw out to make the world a little brighter. The last thing on God’s green earth I would want to hear was “It will be O.K. God has a plan and he’ll bring you the right baby.”  That just makes me groan.

In all of this I’ve been thinking about the privilege of motherhood. It’s not something that you deserve, it’s not something you take lightly. There are so many women out there who can’t have babies and cry out like Hannah for one. Enjoy your little ones and give them time because there are so many women out there who would gladly trade you spots.

Lately I’ve had this evil urge to get preggers again. Of course the thought flees as soon as I consider weight gain, not being able to nap while pregnant because I’ll have two kids running around, and one set of diapers is enough for now. We want more kids, but not right now. This is the longest amount of time I have not been pregnant in our entire marriage! Let me break that down for you:

Married for 5 months, found out we were preggers with Josiah.

Pregnant with that guy for 9 months.

Josiah was 2 weeks shy of turning one when I got pregnant with Mae.

Pregnant with Princess Mae Mae for 9 months.

Mae will be 14 months old next month.

Anywho, I’m enjoying the reclaiming of my own body for the first time in 3 1/2 years. My uterus is it’s normal size and shape and I’m shedding pounds. I’m also not “leaking” due to milk production if I’m away from a child for more than 2 hours. (Gross I know.) Even with all the pros of not being pregnant I can’t help but feel a little tinge of jealousy for my friends who are pregnant. I find myself looking at baby name blogs, pushing the cart over to Babies R Us from the Toys R Us side of the store, staring longingly at swaddling cloths, and intently examining old baby pictures of Siah and Mae Mae. I am taking this all in stride and chalking it up to my body & heart both knowing that I’m not done having kids. I think you know you’re done procreating in the same fashion that you know that you have found your soul mate- you just know.

My Mom is the perfect example of baby-angst. While she was pregnant with my brother Aaron, she was very, very sick. I don’t remember too much of it, but I do remember that she had tubes in her back to help her kidneys filter everything better. Aaron was a HUGE baby and if my memory serves me correctly she had gestational diabetes. The doctors warned my Mom not to get pregnant again because it could be life-threatening for her. My Dad went ahead and got the ‘ol “snip-a-roo” (as Cameron likes to call it) so that no more Beautiful Berry Babies could be made. My Mom says that she felt like there was supposed to be one more of us, that our family wasn’t complete. She mourned for this unknown child. Interestingly enough, some doctor didn’t do a good job at a vasectomy and my Mom got pregnant with Lauren. She was at peace instantly. God had known who was supposed to be in our family.

I am thrilled with the possibility of new babies in our future. I sometimes feel like we’re missing someone even if we’re all in the same room. I can’t wait to meet the rest of my family someday.

Sweetest.

Today Courtney posted this on her Facebook!

You pray for a miracle… you get a miracle…Our little Ella gained almost a pound in 3 days 12 oz total, and 5oz overnight!! The doctors are in awe and says that “this never happens,this is just crazy!” Not crazy when you trust in God… Please spread this to everyone so God can receive the Glory he deserves! We get to go home today! PTL!

She is in the clear and we get to go home today… they came in after weighing her and said, “um this baby can go home, she’s fine” We are so excited.. she does have Acid Reflux but they said unless she looks like shes in pain we dont need to medicate her… but that was a big reason why she wasn’t gaining…

Don’t you love when God works a miracle in someone’s life and the medical world doesn’t know how to respond? It’s one of my favorites.

I would like to point out that as big of a time waster as Facebook can be, what an awesome connection place for prayer among Christ-followers. I’ve passed along prayer requests for people that I don’t even know. I know people who don’t know me have prayed for us because of friends on Facebook. It blows me away that people get by in life without the fellowship and comfort of a Church Body. There is so much in our life that we wouldn’t have if it weren’t for our church. I’m not saying “church” as in Saddleback church proper, but church as in the Body of Christ. In our “new fangled age of technology” Facebook is quickly becoming a new way to “fellowship” and interact with other Christians and make a prayer chain bigger than it ever has been.

Sleeping Ella.

“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints”

(Ephesians 6:18).

He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.

Proverbs 14:26

I just wanted to let everyone out in my blog reading world know that they need to pray for my friend Courtney and her family. Her little baby, Ella is in the hospital.

Here’s some updates from her Facebook:

***PLEASE PRAY- we are taking our sweet girl Ella to the pediatric emergency room where she will be admitted… she hasnt gained weight in 4 days, and the dr. wants her there…we absolutely trust our God to heal her and protect her… we thank you ahead of time for praying for her! we love you all! and will keep you posted..

We are just waiting for a few days on a strict diet to see if she gains weight, if not more invasive testing needs to be done.. if she does then we get to go home.. but we are expected to be here for 4 to 6 days.. thank you all so much for praying for her and spreading the word.. her liver levels have come down a bit but they are keeping an eye on them.. the hardest thing I have ever done is trust God with my kids and put them in His hands.. but I know that He will take care of them.

Pray for Courtney, her husband Bernard (I think he goes by BJ), and their son Brodin. Pray for strength and encouragement for them in all of this. Pray for the doctors who are caring for this baby. I know that God’s in charge in this situation but it breaks my heart to see a little baby in the hospital. As a parent I can’t fathom that feeling. I just wanted to spread the word and make sure that everyone is praying for this sweet family. I don’t even know Courtney real well, I knew her from Bible College and we’ve remained in contact. I just know that we’re all part of the same family and I want them to feel encouraged by every prayer we could possibly get.

Thanks everyone!

Baby Ella in the Hospital.

You my brown eyed girl

I’m not up to par this afternoon (I really haven’t been all day). I’m actually going to the doctor’s office on Friday. I just haven’t been myself this year. Anywho, I’ve been hanging out with Mae and Nadine-Cat while Josiah is sleeping. I thought I would take some pictures and put them on here. Pretty cute, huh???

Nadine-Cat is sexy for Macs.

Mae is busy chattering away… I’ll ask her “Where’s Dolly?” and she’ll say “Where’s Dolly?” back to me. I pretend to be on the phone and she says “HELLO?” and puts her hand to her ear. She is sitting in her Princess chair and then getting out. She says “Hey!” to Penny when she goes out into the hallway. She’s now pointing at herself and saying “Dance…” and then, DANCING! What a little wonderful person she is.

Nadine has claimed the office as her space. Grohl and Meaty are still after top cat spot and poor Nadine is in the middle of it. She’s such a sweet, quiet  kitty.

I just got back from Mae’s first vaccine. The only shot she’s had before was at birth when she got a vitamin k shot. I had to explain to a new (very kind and informative) set of doctors and nurses that I am rejecting conventional wisdom and using an alternative vaccine schedule. I felt to a certain degree like the doctor in his warm voice was trying to talk me off the ledge. Just like when I had to convice the pediatrician in the hospital that my milk had come in and Mae would not be flushing out her jaundice with the help of similac. Thank you very much. I would have had an all natural birth with Mae had she not been sideways in the womb! I co-sleep with both my children. That’s why my hubby bought is a king sized bed! Just to be clear: I am not an uninformed person about medical problems or solutions. I read all things medical if it pertains to my life in a way. I also believe that God put good wholesome things in our earth to make us better. Those things can be found at expensive stores like Henry’s and Clark’s! We do not need an onslaught of chemicals. We need whole foods and good oils. I give Josiah omega oils and DHa everyday. It’s improved his listening and temperment. I do know that we are blessed to live in this age of medical advancement. All of this leads to me saying that I’m apparently a hippie mom. I even have my hair parted. Down the middle and braided on one side to prove it. I am trying every day to buy more eco-friendly cleaning products and hygiene items. I re-use bags. I turn out the lights. I drive an old Honda. I have two recycle bins. I just find it odd that when it comes to children’s health, being a hippie is backwards rather than forward thinking and green. You’re actually seen more as one of those weird fundamentalists who make up their own curriculum for home school if you choose to not follow the American pediatric’s association. Breastfeeding is looked at as being odd to people. I nursed Josiah until he weaned himself at 14 months. The dirtiest look I ever got was from a grown woman at gourmet pizza kitchen while I breastfed Josiah. All you could make of the situation was his little feet kicking from under the receiving blanket. I stuck my tongue out at her. This isn’t a terribly thought out blog. I’m typing on my blackberry and holding my daughter. I just thought I’d type out a few of my thoughts on parenting. Now I’m off to make dinner. Maybe tofu and organic veggies?

Last night for the first time in my entire pregnancy I fell. Now, this is a feat unto itself. To go eight months without falling in my book is AMAZING.
Here’s how it went down (literally):

I was folding towels while watching a silent film called “Leaves from Satan’s Book”. I was sitting in my AWESOME glider that Cameron got me and when I was done I put all the towels on the ottoman of the glider, grabbed the laundry basket and put them in the basket and on the couch. Our ‘gifted’ dog decided to get up at that moment and knock over the towels. I yelled at her and Cameron heard. (I have no patience when it comes to laundry) I then went to reach for the towels (despite Cameron telling me to wait for him to pick them up) and when I went to sit back down I fell in between the ottoman and the glider. I made a really weird, old lady noise. I landed hard on the wood part of the chair.

Cameron runs over and I laugh at the noise I make, but as soon as he goes “ARE YOU OKAY?” I start crying hysterically (and don’t stop for maybe a half hour). Penny of course must remain in the middle of everything and at first Cameron is mad at her thinking she had something to do with it. She didn’t. She was really concerned (probably because of the noise I initially made).

That is the story of how I fell. It seems to be:

ANOTHER LEAF FROM SATAN’S BOOK!

My son needs this. Please donate it to the Josiah Andrew Brewer Fund.
Thank you.
You’ll make America proud.

Pregnancy dreams are like being on vicodin dreams- vivid and colorful and ridiculous.
I had a dream about the cereal that Cameron and I bought the other day at the store:
I went to pour myself a bowl of Raisin Bran ceral and there were no raisins ONLY BRAN.
I went to the Pavillions to tell them and they said “Oh. You didn’t hear? You have to buy the raisins seperatley now.”
What?
I was relieved this morning to find my raisins and my bran together in harmony in one box.